My favorite little cup, made by fellow painter and potter Cynthia Guild Stoetzer. It’s a colorful little thing, but I think I pushed the blue a bit too far – should be a few values lighter. -off to feed my kidos.
Far from pleasure, and nothing simple about it – Simple Pleasures #6 of 30
I spent the day second-guessing myself, and it showed in every stroke. There was no ‘pleasure’ and there was nothing ‘simple’ about it. Artists, like gamblers, should know when to quit.
“Do you really have time for this today? “NO, you don’t, but you made the commitment, it’s an experiment, good or bad – go do it,” I said to myself. My mind drew back to the kids at home alone, the condition of the house, the afternoon plans… “Who is this for? Why did I commit to it? “What am I trying to accomplish? What do I want to say… and who cares anyway?” Agitated thoughts bombarded my brain as I headed toward the studio.
Maybe that would have been a good time to turn around. Or perhaps, a good slip in the paint would show me a better perspective.
I had two peppers, one sweet, one hot. In a gastronomic way, this is a pleasure. In a metaphorical way it sums up my life – polar opposites vying for attention, in a constant struggle for power.
I thought of the reasons for this move. There were many, and not all of them pleasant. The good fairies did not whisk me away to NJ, fate did. I needed to make it work. Staying put was not an option, and consent to failure was unacceptable.
I left with paint, two kids, a lien-free car, and the promise of piloting my own plane. I followed my guts to the only place that seemed logical. Home. There was no physical house to go to, no old neighbors to reconnect with, and no parents whose wing I could rest under. There was a sense of something basic and secure in the landscape, and I was desperate to taste that again. “Home” is a state of being. I know that. Location is secondary, but I needed some extra-sensory encouragement.
To my kids, this was an adventure. All the opportunity of the east coast, the big city, they asked for it, they were on board…let the games begin!” Yet in the space that I have come to find “home,” they seem to have lost theirs. And for today, I struggle with the unfairness of it. I’m saddened that I can’t fix it for them. And though it may make me seem the tyrant, I’m exasperated over the idea of trying.
The heaviness translated to my palette. There was no dancing, no simple pleasure. Every decision I needed to make with paint slugged on, changing direction, questioning. One stroke after the other, vacillating thoughts turned my color to mud.
An artist, like a gambler, should know when to quit. The obligations of my day forced it, and I was glad for it. I returned late in the afternoon only to add a few marks from a more peaceful perspective, but all in all… the struggle reads.
A friend advised that I should limit the work I put on my site, as people may see the weaker pieces and consider me a “spotty” painter. From a marketing perspective he may be right. From a human perspective… show me an artist without spots, and I will show you only half the artist.
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4 Responses to Far from pleasure, and nothing simple about it – Simple Pleasures #6 of 30
hi kelly. what a wonderfully honest post! i so feel your ambivalence and stress and understand it personally. i admire you for painting anyway, in the midst of it all.
i haven’t yet looked at your artwork but if you have questions about a piece, one idea is to talk about it, like here, on your blog. i agree that people like to see the whole artist, the struggles we go through to create.
moving is so hard. but the kids will find friends and adjust eventually. be who you are and do what you need to do. it’s clear you are a brave woman. Ger
hi again. as i look at your blog further, it’s clear you do just that!
i admire you kelly. best, ger
Kelly,
I totally disagree with your friend. If this is one of your so-called ‘weaker pieces’ then you have nothing to worry about. I empathize with your pain but I still like the painting.
In all honesty, your writing is what hooked me into following your blog. The paintings are gravy. So please keep writing, painting and sharing!
Hi Geri and Sandi – thanks for the nice words! It is always nice to know that someone reads this stuff (other than my incredibly diligent Mom). I will keep doing it all. It’s very cathartic, and I fear twice the knots if I were to stop. Today proved to be a much lighter day, full of simple pleasures. Sometimes a full nights sleep is enough to shift perspective, and a flowing day at the easel is always a good thing. Welcome, and thank you for being here. Kelly
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Sunrise on the Hill – Simple Pleasures #5 of 30
If the idea of this exercise is the study of color – perhaps I should try to think like an impressionist. The sun was out, but the wind was HOWLING! Not enough layers. Missing my Idaho hot tub – but if I were there, I suppose this may have been a snow scene. If I were to critique myself here, not being an ‘impressionist” painter, I would say that my shapes on the right-hand tree could be more interesting, and the color scheme on the right -more decisive. I like what was happening on the left and should have gone back to the tree on the right and mimicked some of the choices – but it was cold and I couldn’t last another moment. In reality, the tree on the left was nearly dead, and the one on the right was living, but for the purposes of good picture making, it may have been better to keep them more similar… off to find heat.
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2 Responses to Sunrise on the Hill – Simple Pleasures #5 of 30
Good painting! I think you have critiqued yourself very well. There is something soooooo Kelly about this painting – guess there should be! Are you painting at home or in a studio now? You are a true artist!
Hi Ginny, This was done outside. Perhaps after such practice I can come back to Idaho and paint outside without such an intense fear of being eaten by the wildlife. I love to hear from you. I hope you are well. Come to the east coast and paint with me! Such different perspectives would be had from the same model – I miss you my friend, and hope that you are well.
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Lemon – Simple Pleasures #4 of 30
I must say that I found the inside of a lemon, and the peel – really hard to paint. I think I mixed 10 different batches of color and still didn’t get it. The other thing I see now is that the top edge of the lemon has too much intense color -it should start to drift into that “non-color” to make it recede, instead of jump forward. BUT- someone drifted into my studio this afternoon and bought yesterdays piece on the spot -untagged, unsigned, unframed, and still wet… I may have to take myself out tonight – and try another landscape tomorrow.
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Natures Course – simple pleasures #3 of 30
I have many things to say about natures course – but my feet are tired, and my ankles hurt, and my dryer broke… Perhaps after the culmination of my laundromat experience, I shall sit with a glass of wine and ponder on a bit. For now, I need to go switch the loads.
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Simple Pleasures… 1 of 30
The Sugar Jar -Simple Pleasures #2 of 30
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The Sugar Jar -Simple Pleasures #2 of 30
This may be quite the task I have assigned myself… should do wonders for my color mixing abilities, but might be a bit difficult on the laundry pile, and my children may develop an intense distaste for macaroni and cheese! Looking at this already – the shadows under the leaves are to dark, making it difficult to distinguish what is leaf and what is shadow – and the background may set back more if the color was more neutral, or grayed down.
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Simple Pleasures… 1 of 30
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Simple Pleasures… 1 of 30
Life’s Simple Pleasures, often overlooked, yet sweetly effective with their subtle powers.
I’ve decided to take them on as a new color study, dedicating myself to producing one a day for the next 30 days. Perhaps not just a study of color, but an observation of the little things I find important in this life – the simple things that sooth my soul, or make me laugh, or settle me down, or keep me healthy – like a good apple.
All small pieces, approximately 5″ x 7″
The series will show in its entirety in mid November, but you can follow them here. See you tomorrow.
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2 Responses to Simple Pleasures… 1 of 30
Nice to have you back, Kelly…and it’s obvious you’ve made leaps and bounds with your painting in lieu of posting! I honestly wouldn’t have recognized this as yours if you put it beside one of your earlier paintings. The crispness of your apple is brilliant, enticing; am eager to check back tomorrow for more…
Hi Diane – nice to be back. I think the days will be filled with paint, and the words will be sparse for a little while. Juggling a lot these days. Nice to hear from you, as always. I hope you are well.
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Teaching Chicken Soup
Dedicated to my first 5 students – and the great teachers that I’ve had over the past few years.
“If I wake up not feeling good tomorrow, can I stay home from school?” asked my 11-year-old son. “No way! I have big plans, and you’re not in them my sweet pea! Suck it up! Mommy loves you. Go to sleep.” I gently explained.
It was the first day of my first class as a painting teacher. I worked hard to plan and study, most of all, to convey. I wanted to teach some basic structure, much of which I have just recently learned myself. But equally as important, and perhaps more familiar to me, is the internal drive and the peace that paint can deliver. I wanted to convey that without babbling… or leaving my students confused and wondering what they signed up for.
“Brrrrr… Brrrr… Ughhhh…Brrrr… Mom, I don’t feel good, my head, my throat, my stomach.” “Not today,” I thought to myself. “No TV – draw, read, write, sleep…got it?” I demanded. “Yes Mom.” “Good, I love you.” I left.
Three hours flew by and I think all of my 5 students will return next week. I loved it. I could have stayed all day but I had a ‘sick’ boy at home. I dashed to alleviate his suffering and my guilt. I stopped at the store and arrived home with chicken, carrots, celery, garlic, thyme, onion… all of these good things meant to cure the wee man that I had left unattended.
The big pot sat on the stovetop and stewed for hours. I pondered my day, and the handful of teachers I had sought out over the past few years. I thought of all of them with affection, respect, and gratitude. I thought of the many things they had taught me, and the many things I hoped to teach. I strained my stock and began to pick through all of the pieces that went into this love-induced chicken soup. I concluded their lessons over my task at hand. The big chunks of chicken go right back into the stock. They are easy to spot. Any untrained eye could find them. The delicate pieces require a bit more diligence. They are hidden amongst the stems, bones, skin, garlic, onions… You have to look a bit more carefully to find them. You have to slow down, linger over it and take notice. It requires ‘work’. It takes time. Sometimes it will strain your back, and sometimes no matter how hard you look, something will escape you. Everything that goes into the making of this soup is important and valuable; all of it, is worthy of your efforts. But in the end, some of it you will discard. You will pick through your pile and determine what holds value, and what has been rendered useless, or unimportant. The things that remain are the ingredients that speak to you, the ones you favor and hold dear. They will come together to make your soup – YOUR soup. Some may find it too spicy, others too bland – but if it tastes good to you, and it feels good going down, chances are someone else will like it too. One of life’s greatest pleasures is having enough soup to share. So make a big pot.
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Dark Place
Looking for light in a dark place… not too hard to find this time around. Interesting exercise, curious metaphor.
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2 Responses to Dark Place
Hi Kelly,
Congrats on the award, and also on your perseverance. I was looking at the painting “Dark Place” on your site and it reminded me of a painting by T. Allen Lawson that I want you to see. Yours is a warm interior with cool window, his a cool exterior with a warm window. Check it out at the High Street gallery site (in Camden Maine).
Keep up the good painting..Will
Thanks for the info Will. He does beautiful work. Really beautiful work. I just stood out in the cold for a few hours – wiped out the piece and went for a mocha. Hoping for better results tomorrow. The landscape thing challenges me so much – I’m determined to figure it out – but my cold toes needed warm coffee. Are you still coming to NJ in October?
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Leffel and Kelly
David Leffel tries to convey to me the art of being subtle.
I think I’m beginning to understand… but I may need that lesson one more time.
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