You know when you need it. You can’t quite handle the pressure anymore and you’re aching to let it all hang out. At first, you are embarrassed by your inability to contain it all, but you know the relief you will feel when you succumb to the necessity, and you relish the coming of it.
Bam! – there it goes like a slingshot. There is no retaining that build-up, the compression, the weighing against a thread-thin line of defense. Ahhhh…, I don’t care who sees it. Yes, it is my gut; the whole gelatinous thing. It is what I am made of. It took years of work to get it there – and it will take years of work to quell it again – but for now – it’s out.
I feel like I’m stepping off a cliff of sorts, and I can’t wait to fly (or plummet to the ground – though flying is what I have in mind, gut and all)… sometimes my breath shortens at the thought of it, and I like that.
“There is no better time to reach for the unexpected, than when no one expects it.” I think I just made that up, and I like that too.
The ‘crash’ was no fun. We went from jet airplanes and black cards to counting change and shutting down the cable. It’s been a slow and steady decline that we have shared with a great deal of Americans. The concept of ‘one step forward, ten steps back’ was a jagged little pill, but we got it down.
Through it all, I have painted more than I have in years, and I am incredibly inspired by non-material things, though a day at the spa would not kill me.
If life is in a state of flux, you ought to sculpt it as you wish before it stifens once again. You can be a struggling creative anywhere – so why not move around a bit and see what you bump into.
For most of my adult life, I have dreamed of living in Italy for a year, educating our children there, rolling supple sounds off of my tongue that refer to love, food, and paint, meeting distant relatives, LIVING, PAINTING, DREAMING… whatever that means, and whatever it brings…I relish it, and I am giddily lacking sleep over the thought of a new adventure.
The plan (as loose as it is) is to move to Bologna, Italy for one year. Still kicking around all of the details, but they will develop. Today I joined ‘The International Women’s Forum of Bologna, Italy’. Heaven only knows what will follow… but I’m looking forward to ferreting out the formula.
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